those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
