Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
