you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
