I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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