I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
