took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
