3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
