i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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