Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
