cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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