I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she pinky promised me she was 18
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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