I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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