Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
