i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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