he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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