Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
