YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
