I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
