You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
