She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
