I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
