I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
