I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
