so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You made out with two different species that night
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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