Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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