Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
