You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
