All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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