don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
