He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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