I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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