you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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