I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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