I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You made out with two different species that night
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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