I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
