Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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