sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
