Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
