Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
