I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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