Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
