You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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