I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
