My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
