Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
