the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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