Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
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