hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
