They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
