Umm I'm too high to move.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
