We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
