He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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