There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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