i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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