Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
