Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
