if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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