She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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