I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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