He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
