Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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