She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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