A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
