i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
