he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I currently don't understand fingers.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
