So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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