Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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