So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
