i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
