rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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