My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
it was like eating out sand paper
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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