Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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