you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
