She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
