we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
