It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
