i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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