Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize