i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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