When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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