Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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