I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
