let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
