So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
