dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
