rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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