Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
