tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize