ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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