whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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