I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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