i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
