i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
