First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
