I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
