brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
